It was brought to my attention recently that I may have a disease known as Chron's Disease. Basically it is a digestive problem that can be anywhere in your body where digesting food is done. My particular case would be in my stomach. The treatment is steroids which cause you to gain a large amount of weight, and as awful as this sounds I'm more afraid of gaining the weight than the disease. The disease has no cure, just a remedy for the symptoms. I am terrified of the "remedy" because frankly I love my body. Though I may not be petite by some standards I like the way I am. I am scared of being obese. NOT just mildly obese people, we're talking I could put on as much as 200+ lbs. Call me conceited, or whatever but I don't want to be that large. I'm nervous. I asked Kenneth if he would love me if I was that big and you know of course he said yes, but I don't want that to even ever come about. I don't know what to do :/ If I have the disease I'll have if for the rest of my life. Obviously. I'm just.... in need of a friend.

to grow up. I mean really grow up. I want to fast forward, I want to see myself in 18 years, I want to see the family I might have. See the life I will have. I'm ready for tomorrow when I can hardly get through today. I want to start my family. I want my life to start now. I want this all to be over so the rest of tomorrow can begin.








I really am sorry I haven't had a good post lately.

Tomorrow is the first day of: Operation make my body look AMAZING before the hubbykinz goes to Afghanistan so that while he's over there every time he thinks about me he drools.

I know it has a long name.. but it gets out everything I want it to lol.

So this is a eating healthy/work out regiment for the next 12 weeks:
1. Instead of getting soda, get green tea or water.
2. Everytime I have a candy craving chew some fruit flavored gum
3. Work out if not daily, every other day. (Starts tomorrow morning at 5am.)
4. One day a week I will eat whatever I want.
5. Don't give up, you can do it.


That's basically all I've thought of so far, but yeah, going to get up at 4.30 tomorrow so I can be at the gym by 5 and work out with SaBrina. I can do it, I know I can.

First thing I want to say is to all of the virgins who waited or are currently waiting, not just until marriage, waited until it was right for them.. I commend you. You have done/are doing something that a lot of people weren't able to do. They were not strong enough. I myself waited for the right person. I always wanted to wait until marriage, but when that night came I knew it was right. That was how it was supposed to happen. (I'll spare you the details, but all in all, it's something I'll never forget, and am so thankful I waited for) The opportunity had arose many a time, but I never chose to take it. I wanted to wait until I was with someone I knew cared about me, and who was in it for the long run. Most of my friends didn't wait, and couldn't believe I was still waiting, but to me it just all made sense. So for everyone else who's waiting, I understand. I know what you're going through and I know what it was like for peer pressure to try and shove you in the wrong direction.

Now, on to the actual topic. I recently read a post on Datingish discussing a gentleman who told his wife he needed sex every 10 days at least, or else he would find it elsewhere. I was appalled by this and couldn't believe someone would actually say something so horrid. Sex is a beautiful thing, it truly is, and it's not meant to be abused. Saying that you have to have sex or you're going to leave is the single most selfish thing anyone can do. If you love that person you will be with them no matter what. You won't ask for more than you need and you will try to give them everything they want. You will do everything you can to make them happy, and it should be returned like that. Granted I realize my boyfriend likes sex, not as much as I do, but he still likes it. It's not a need for him though, so I don't want to hear anyone over generalizing saying all guys need sex. If anything, I am the starter of all things sexual in our relationship. I love it, I thrive off it, but if he told me no I would survive. I love him and simply knowing he felt the same way for me would be more than enough. Knowing I am loved is the single most amazing feeling in the world. I am a passionate person, and I love unlike anyone else. I gave someone not merely my heart, I gave them my soul as well. That individual was the one I gave my virginity to as well. I know we don't all live the fairytale, and my story is nothing even close to a fairytale. In the almost year that we have been together I've seen him for maybe two months all togehter. My love is military issues. I have sex when the military says I can. I get kisses when the military allows it. Hell, the military even says that you're only allowed to do one position.

My point is that when you love someone you shouldn't have to have sex with them to stay with them. Sex is NOT a need, it's a want, a desire. If you think that you need sex maybe you should go back to, I don't know first grade, and go over what you need to survive. I believe those are: food, water, and shelter. You will get to the age where you aren't capable of sex, you will get to that age where your sex drive is almost gone, you will get to the age where you will be mature enough to realize you don't need sex as a means of survival. Saying that you need it is like being in high school all over again. I know you all know what I'm talking about too. That guy who jumped from girl to girl because he sexual "needs" weren't being met. Yet that guy will one day settle down with one woman whom he truly loves, and he will have a family and have sex with her and her alone. He will wise up and become mature enough to understand. The term "lovers" isn't inteded for just any two people. It's for people who make love to one another. Two people who share everything they have with one another. For two people who, even if just for a moment, become one individual being. They are connected on a level that you will never understand until you experience it for yourself.

Sex is about loving someone. NOT ABOUT SELF SATISFACTION AND GREED. People who require sex are just that.. selfish and greedy.

Why is it that people can be so completely rude to people they don't even know? Much less to people who are handling their food? I have never been able to understand why people ignore me, yell at me, and basically just treat me like crap when they hardly know my first name. I am just working for a paycheck like everyone else. I realize we run out of food and things but it is NOT my fault. So in case you don't want spit in your food here are a couple of things for everyone to know that is just common courtesy.

1. I am NOT your mother, pick up after yourself please. Leaving your trash is just rude, and well trashy.

2. Thank you, I know our bathrooms are gross, I promise you there really is nothing I can do to make them look better, they come with the building.

3. Ok, don't leave your tray on the table, it's rather annoying, this kind of goes along with number one, but I'm just saying if you had enough brain cells to drive here I bet you can put your food in the trash can ;)

4. Speaking of trash cans, if the trash can is full DO NOT attempt to shove more food into it, DO NOT set your food on top of it, and if we are really really busy DO NOT tell me, chances are I already know, and OH turn around look there are two other trashcans, wooowww bet you never thought of putting your food in those, cause trust me all three of them will NEVER be full at once, it's not going to happen.

5. Ok guys they installed the menu for a reason, I am not a talking menu board and i do not know all the prices, while I realize not everything is on the menu board that's fine I don't mind, but when you ask how much something is and it's in plain view it is REALLY obnoxious.

6. OH LAWDDD I JUST BOUGHT ALL THIS FOOD AND NOW I WANT TO PAY WITH ALL QUARTERS. do you laugh evilly to yourself when you do this? you realize I have to count ALL of that right, and just a common rule of thumb anything above 5 dollars PLEASE use actual paper currency, not change.

7. oh I'm sorry miss I forgot to mention BEFORE you rang up my food that I have this here coupun. (spelled that way on purpose) and now i need you to go track down your manager who is never in possesion of their keys just to see if they might, then finally locate keys which are usually shoved in a cashiers pocket to take off the order and put in the coupon which is not what you wanted anyways so i have to ring up something completely different... you make me want to throw something at you.. seriously.

8. do not come through drive thru and sit and stare at the menu for 30 minutes and then decide all you really want is a medium diet pepsi. are you serious? thats all

9. when i ask you what you would like to eat, i am a human being do NOT ignore me, tell me you need more time i'm not going to freak out but if you simply don't say anything that is extremely rude.

10. IT'S 9:57 OF COURSE WE ARE OUT OF FOOD, WE CLOSE IN THREE MINUTES OR DID YOU MISS THAT SIGN ON THE DOOR?

11. just because i work in fast food, does not mean i am stupid, im going to school, im trying to get a better job, im trying to make something of myself do not treat me like crap. kay.

12. No, we do not sell hamburgers.. or milkshakes, or coffee, or livers. sorry.

13. We go through stuff in about 30 minutes or less, nothing sits very long, and trust me your "fresh" stuff is most likely the same "freshness" as the stuff in the display.

14. WOO do not throw your food back at me, or call me stupid, i am handling your food. duh.

15. I'm sorry that we have to cook food fresh sometimes, and that we occasionally run out of stuff, but if im cooking it fresh i am trying for you, the customer, please dont yell at me, i dont like it.

16. we have call in orders for a reason, no you can not come in and have an 80 piece. sorry, thats why its called CALL in. that way we have what you want